Tuesday, January 7, 2014


I think that pretty much anything can be made to be dramatic. For example: After using the restroom, I like to throw the door open, pretend cock a gun, and yell "The bathroom is where poop goes to die!"

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


7 days to create the earth? Gotta give the big man upstairs props! It takes me a few days just to make a poop.


I have decided that if I ever have a son, I will name him Caution. Hitch hiking would be a breeze, all he'd need to do is stand by one of those signs that say "Ride With Caution", and passing vehicles would be obliged to comply.


I do not usually eat onions, as the preparation method is too uncomfortable for me. Peeling off layers upon layers just reminds me too much of ridding my body of sunburn peels, and both make me cry. I kid of course about the crying part, as I am a man, and the only liquid that escapes from me is perspiration and urine; not necessarily in that order. Though sometimes at the same time. Possibly tmi.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Grooming Money

Too bad we don't molt. It'd make mannequin production a lot easier.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


I would like to market pimple wrap. It's like bubble wrap, except filled with pus.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


I once thought that I had a cancerous bump... turns out I'm just a man